Days in an Econo-car

I'd like to start off by saying, Happy New Year!
Welcome, boys and girls, to 2009.
Over the holidays, I've had some work done on my beloved car, so its been in the shop. As a result, I've been driving a 2008 Chevy Cobalt sedan. Let's chat about it, shall we?

Now this is a rental car, so naturally it is the basest of the base models. (We're talking like a pH level hovering around 14) No power windows, no central locking. It is an automatic, so naturally I smash my left foot into the carpet whenever I go to start the thing. I'll admit it, when I first got in the drivers seat, I expected it to suck.

But now I've spent a few days with the little scamp, scooting back and forth between my house and Georgetown. We've developed a bit of a rapport in our time together, and while I expected this car to be terrible, I've learned it is really truly not that terrible.

It feels remarkably cheap, and thats because it is. You can drive away from the Chevy dealer with a 2009 Cobalt for just $16,630. But before you start looking for change under your couch cushions, you have to consider what its going to be like driving this car.
Where as in my car the steering wheel is wrapped in perforated leather, the engineers at GM opted for a textured plastic in the 'bolt. The upshot: it is actually uncomfortable to grip the very part of the car which you should be most intimately connected with. The '99 Corolla which I have borrowed from my sister is in the same class as the Cobalt, but its plastic steering wheel is smooth and comfortable. My point is, a wheel doesn't have to say Momo or be wrapped in Alcantara for me to like it, it just has to not suck. The Cobalt's, well it all sorts of sucks. The bow tie logo is clearly a cheap sticker, and worst of all, it gives you no information on what the wheels are doing.
This, combined with the tendency the car has to understeer in hard cornering almost makes driving exciting, but only exciting in the sense that you are fearing for your life.
The seats are awful. They lack any sort of lateral support, and appear to be designed for very large people.
"So this is perfect!" you might think, while cramming another Hostess cupcake in your mouth and swallowing sin mastication. Sadly, even the larger driver will be disappointed in the Chevy Cobalt because of another of its weaknesses: useless cup holders. The car is equipped with two of them in the center console, but they are only cup holders in the strictest academic sense. Other GM cars, such as the Saab 9-5 Aero, have little pieces of foam rubber which hold ones beverage in place. You won't find those in the Cobalt, and the result is a commuter car which will promptly spill your morning coffee all over your lap were you to turn the wheel to the right. The more rotund consumer would loose his or her Big Gulp to the passenger side foot well at every left turn on the way to IHOP. Now is the time to invest in an auto detailing business, as there will soon be a steady flow of Cobalt owners begging for you to get the cherry Slurpee stains out of their carpets.
The car has some good points, and it would be unfair for me to leave them out.
The windows are made of clear glass, quite good for seeing out of.
The car is surprisingly quick in the low end, owing to the added torque of a 2.2L engine (as opposed to 1.6 to 1.8 L displacements found in late model Hondas and Toyotas). You can, while smashing the accelerator to the floor from a dig, spin the tires a bit. This is an excellent way to vent frustration, but I may have just found it so novel because I was coming from a full time AWD vehicle, which is incapable of such burn outs. (This sacrifice is a worthwhile concession, as the AWD can perform in the snow, where the poor Cobalt is much more likely to get stuck.)
So from zero to thirty, the Cobalt is alright. Inching up toward highway speed; however, is a process so slow and monotonous that I suggest bringing along a crossword puzzle to alleviate the boredom.
The Cobalt comes equipped with a smart little in dash computer which tells you all sorts of information: tire pressure, coolant temp, oil life, instantaneous and average fuel efficiency, as well as your typical trip odometers. This is neat, I really wouldn't mind one in my WRX. You can shuffle through the info displays via a wheel mounted button, but for some reason they have provided two buttons on the wheel. The second button has a symbol which looks like a the return arrow on a computer keyboard, but as of yet I have not been able to find that it does anything at all when depressed. This is much like me when I'm depressed, so I suppose this button and I are kindred spirits.
The on board computer entertained me for upwards of seven minutes, but my delight was again thwarted when I found the radios biggest shortcoming. The LCD screen will display either the radio station frequency or the time. This must have been a cost-cutting measure, as GM saves by only having to supply a small LCD unit in their radios. But then, they needed to add an extra button that does nothing but switch the display between the two values, and wire it so that it worked. It's not only the blatant cheapness which irks me, its the sheer stupidity of this design. Why should I have to divert my eyes from the road long enough to find this little button in order to check the time?
Between the steering, the cupholders that aren't, and the distracting nature of the controls, I can only assume that the Cobalt is trying to kill me.
So here's my final thought: Why would anybody buy this car? Take your 16 thousand dollars, spend 4 thousand on a late model Honda or Toyota, and use the remainder to go buy yourselves some proper shirts, jeans that fit, or the latest Ed Hardy bull crap to adorn yourself with. Hell, spend it on designer drugs and cover charges at your favorite club. The drugs might kill you, but at least you'll be having more fun when you die than if you let the Cobalt murder you through its terribleness.