More Fashion Faux-Pauses

If you live in New York City or the surrounding metropolitan area you will have noticed that we are in the middle of the rainy season. It has rained as far back as I can remember, and probably farther than that. I imagine there will be a day when we sit our grandchildren on our knee and regale them with stories of "the dry days" when there was actually honest to goodness sunshine. This should be distinguished from the "dry days" when we all quit drinking, or the "dry days" when there were no chicks at the bar. (tee hee)
So despite being continually soaked, I have managed to look around and observe an alarming trend in my peers. Namely, people are wearing flip flops around in the rain. Now, I can see if it was raining at the beach and a horde of people were caught in their sandals, but this is the Bronx. Yes, beautiful Bronx NY where the streets are paved in shit. Literally, to walk a block in this place is to navigate a minefield of dog turds, mostly laid by pit bulls on chain leashes. The drivers ed manual will remind you that the most dangerous time to be driving in the rain is at the outset of the shower, as dirt and oil are lifted from the tarmac by the water creating especially slippery conditions. If we apply this logic to the Bronx sidewalk-dog turd situation described above, we can only conclude that the precipitation creates what is essentially "shit soup." You, my fellow human beings, choose to tread through this in next-to bare feet. Wearing flip flops means they will spray that disgusting water up the backs of your legs. How is it that you all haven't already died of dysentery?

Dumbfounded.

Tim McGraw has a cologne now.
You were probably thinking "which high end boutique will I have to run to to obtain this?" but relax, you can find this fine product at Kohl's.
Who wants to smell like a country music singer? And what does this even smell like, dip spit and Jim Beam?
Sometimes I just don't even know anymore....

The New grand Bentley

I'll be honest. I was going to talk today about the Bentley Azure, but when I went to Bentley's website to aquire their published performance figures, I stumbled upon a flash advertisement for their new grand Bentley. I've mentioned before how odious I find websites that force their own soundtrack upon the viewer, but I suppose in this instance I clicked "watch" so I'll just have to lump it. My complaint is that the soothing piano and violin was clipping the entire length of Bentley's pitch about soul and craftsmanship. It wasnt as if I had my little laptop speakers turned up too high either, the music was routed through a marginally impressive surround sound system (impressive in the sense that I can impress my music upon the neighbors, audiophiles would probably roll their eyes and go back to reading amperage specifications for some new 1300 dollar cd player). Bentley, did no one proof the ad before you published it?
Secondly, I spent a good minute waiting to drool over some picture of the promised British luxury masterpeice. At the end of it all, there are two shots available. This one:And a close up profile shot of the hood ornament. Is that all the designing you have done on the car? I feel duped and irritated, so I'm going to save raving about the Azure and how its clearly superior to the Rolls Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe for when I can get past Bentley's advertising blue-balls.

And now for something completely different,

I'm going to post this picture, simply because of the shivers that go down my spine when I look at it. Maybe you too have the same reaction. There is no question, it is hands down gorgeous.
I will talk more about it later.














This is probably as good a time as any to remind you all that since I took these pictures (the recently posted ones of cars) they are mine. You really shouldn't steal them, as its totally bad karma.

A Late Review from the New York Auto Show

So that (the Dodge Circuit thing) was a test.
It seems I've stumbled upon my pictures from this years auto show, which means I get to waste some time telling you (the internet) exactly what I think about the newest offerings from the international auto industry.
First things first, Ferrari wasn't there this year. Somewhere I have pictures of a 612, and an F430 from previous years, but to get your dose of the rearing horse you'll have to go somewhere else.














So this is the Chevrolet Tahoe Hybrid. If you'd like to pay more for one, you can have it from Cadillac in the form of an Escalade. Forgo the fake wood trim, and this behemoth could be yours for around $52,000 USD. But you're the American consumer, and you've just made a decision that you should be commended for, what with choosing a hybrid that gets a rated 20mpg highway. Yes, you shelled out the extra dough (17 thousand dollars over the base model, but who's counting?) for the advertised six extra mpg in the city. How will everyone else know that you bought the eco-friendly one?
Fear not, because Cheverolet has it covered. The manufacturer has covered the exterior of the vehicle almost entirely in" hybrid" stickers. On the display model this year I counted seven, including the writing down the side of the vehicle in almost foot high letters.














Yeah....so I'm not sure what amazes me more, the fact that somewhere a development team thought this was attractive, or the fact that there is a market segment that actually likes this look.

This, Ladies and Gentleman is the Dodge Circuit. It was on display at the 2009 New York Auto Show. If you thought "oh that's a a tarted up Lotus" you were right. The big difference is that it runs on what is essentially a big bank of laptop batteries, like the Tesla Roadster. Its just too bad about what they did to the front end of it, but this is the same company that produces the PT Cruiser, so we really shouldn't expect much in the styling department.
So if it were available, would I buy it? No. I wouldn't be caught dead in it. I'd rather walk.

A word about Fashion

So in the April 2009 issue of Maxim, the magazine announces that short sleeved dress shirts are back in again! This is excellent news, because I was running out of places to keep my pocket protector.
Let me be explicit: Short sleeved dress shirts go best with slide-rules and virginity.
They are about as cool as Teva sandals and fanny packs.
Here's a novel idea for those of you who are feeling that your forearms are being suffocated by broadcloth: roll up your sleeves.
The extra cloth that will end up around your elbows lends you a laid-back air that comes across as, dare I say, cool. Additionally, the visual weight on your left and right serves to balance out the visual weight and focus of your tie (you are wearing a tie, aren't you?). Beauty is all about balance.

No, short sleeved dress shirts are not in. They never were in, and they never will be.
The end.