Attn: Web Designers & Marketers

So in surfing the internet I've come across some sites that are worth mention. These are the pompous, presumptuous sites that attack with audio visual presentations; usually trying to convince me to buy something. Let me be absolutely clear: this is unwelcome, irritating, and fucking annoying.
Dell's website announcing their competition for the Macbook Air is a great example. I'd link you, but I don't want anybody to think for a minute I was endorsing this hunk of crap. The site bombards you with some music and a video of models posing with the laptop. Fuck yeah! Let me buy this, so I can be as happy as these schmucks who got paid to have their picture taken. If you can find the specs, you'll see its technologically inferior to the Air and MORE EXPENSIVE! What a sham.
The other site which aurally raped me today was Syke 9, presenting itself as an energy drink website. The fine print in their commercials says "sponsored by vtsf" at the bottom. Virginia Tobacco Settlement Foundation? Is this a clever anti-cigarette campaign? No, its not clever. Its a shitty commercial and a shitty website.

God, give me strength.

Oh and there is an Ed Hardy edition Smart Car, and Ed Hardy wine. The fact there is a market for either of those proves that there is a segment of our population with some money, but no taste. If you own the Ed Hardy Smart, why not have a couple bottles of Ed Hardy wine, and drive yourself into a fucking wall. Jackass.

Bee Tee Dubz

February is real short anyway, so its probably the best month to take off.
Fear not, I haven't abandoned this project.
Soon I'll be back to hurling abuse at people.

Much Love,
Matt B

Car Shopping in a Recession

So I'm laying here in my hospital bed (needed a broken collarbone from snowboarding repaired) watching television and laughing about the new Range Rover ad campaign. Many of you probably laughed along with me when Land Rover was purchased by Tata motors, and the former symbol of the might of the British Empire came under the financial control of India. The latest US ad campaign from Land Rover makes me laugh even harder, but then again, it could be the morphine.

The ad shows a Range Rover Sport driving along a beautiful coastal highway while the narrator discusses the reasons you, the American consumer, should buy one.
It turns out that the Range Rover Sport is a smart car to buy because of its low rate of depreciation, and the resulting high resale value.
The ad ends by showing the low monthly cost for leasing one of these Range Rovers. Go ahead! Just remember that, at the end of your lease period, you'll have nothing left to resell.....