I don't have a fancy blackberry, droid or iPhone.

It's not for lack of funds, its because I like my little flip phone and I also like the ability to be away from facebook notifications and emails.

Eventually I'll convert I suppose.

The only thing that bugs me, is that this phone can hold hundreds of images, mp3's, videos, all that crap.
Text messages though? Any more than 60 and it beeps at me that the inbox is full.

Phone, I'll make you a deal: I won't ever put music on you, and in return, you hold a decent number of texts.

What idiot designs this crap?

Another Rant

Have any of you heard that blackberry commercial lately?
I say heard because i never watch the damn thing but there is this part in the music where some guy is like "ahlahahlahalahalha".
I get it, business is global or whatever, and blackberries are for business so this is cultural or whatever.
Its goddamn annoying. Blackberry, get a new advertising agency. The fuckers you hired are deaf.

Green: It's the new Green.

So, some cars look good in bold greens.
Lets skip the big Lambo in Ithaca Verde, and go right to this:
The Porsche 911 GT3, if I'm correct this one is last years model.It looks good, doesn't it? Well for over $180k, it damn well better. Keep in mind most enthusiasts would choose white. (Why? White paint weighs less.)

I'll spare you more supercar pornography. What I've noticed is that increasingly average cars are being sprayed in bold greens from the factory. Just to be clear, we are not talking a deep British Racing Green that you would want on your MG-B, or the everyday green that might delicately juxtapose the beige interior in your 1996 Toyota Camry.
I'm talking about colors like this, on the new(ish) Ford Fiesta:
Or how about this, on the new Mazda 2:
(Thanks Mazda! Great high res!)

The point is, you no longer have to spend $250,000 on a V12 Lamborghini to get a car that carries green off well. In the market for economy cars, its been too long that your only choices are beige, black, and silver. The adventurous color choice is usually a red. Lets face it, unless your car has a "Pininfarina" badge on it, it doesn't do red so well. (Porsche offers their version, called "Guards Red", but it is more commonly referred to as a "pull me over" red.)
Green is a great option, it gets you out of boring beige and lets you have a little fun, without flagging down the cops every time you get going 5 over.
So lets embrace it. Its high time for more colorful roadways.

Who's losing now?

Ok so some of you might have heard or rather, read about, a thing called "You Laugh, You Lose".

On any given internet forum a thread will start where the objective is to make the reader laugh out loud, therefore "losing". It's a difficult concept, I know, so I'll go into greater detail.
Usually each post is a picture, often resorting to posting a joke centering around an internet meme.

But, there's always one isn't there? Someone has to be "that guy".
And this post is about those guys, the people who post links to a youtube video.

A funny picture takes about .4 seconds to absorb the set up and the punchline, while the average youtube video goes on for 1:30 before something funny happens.

Hey asshole, guess what? If the joke was someone gets kicked in the balls, then post a picture of the kid getting kicked in the balls. I'm not trying to wait a minute and a half to halfheartedly think about laughing. Often, your video isn't even worth a snicker.

Its wicked inconsiderate. Come on, internet forum poster, we're all busy people.

Motorcycles Revisited

So earlier (ages ago, as I barely ever write) I was talking about how much I wanted a motorcycle.
Nothings changed, they're still pretty damn cool.

But lately, I've been listening to alot of the Jam, the Specials and other old British music, and its starting to have an effect.Namely, the sport bike I was thinking about looks really impractical now, and a Harley (even though they are really awesome) seems too brash and bold. What I've really decided I need is a scooter.
Not just any Chinese made 50cc job that will get you slowly up to 30 for a few weeks until it falls apart, no I want one of these:

This is the 2005 limited edition re-introduction of the classic Vespa PX150 into the United States. Its called the edicion americizione or something equally Italian, and boasts 150cc's of class that will propel the rider up to a reported top speed of 62mph. It would be perfect for zipping in and out of Georgetown in fashion.Of course, there is always the GTV300, an equally limited edition of the Vespa GTS 300 (GT of course meaning Grand Tourismo).
Also quite stunning, the GTV has the split-seat as a nod to early Vespa models, and the headlight on the front fender is another retro touch. It is a larger bike though, and its girth would make it less ideal for lane splitting, and harder to park on a curb.
This one is thoroughly modern though, with a 278cc engine and a maximum speed of 76, is it most certainly more scooter than anyone expects. But, it's MSRP is $6,899 which is certainly more cash than one expects to pay for a scooter.

Both of these scooters have engines with displacement over the 50cc limit which requires the driver to have a motorcycle license. That can be accomplished in a weekend and is a "why not?" sort of proposition.

It is worth it to interject here that the GTV has the "twist&go" CVT type transmission, while the PX150 uses a 4 speed manual transmission (shifting is accomplished by depressing the clutch lever and twisting the handgrip). The GTV brakes are left and right hand levers, while the PX150 has a trick brake pedal on the floor for one of the wheels.

"If there was only a way to get some of the extra power & modern suspension of the GTV in the PX150" you say. Well, through adding a bored and built engine, upgraded biposto shock absorbers, and disk brakes I am relatively certain I can make the coolest Vespa DC has ever seen. And when I get back down to Rehoboth, a mint green PX150 sitting in front of the house would be the envy of the neighborhood.
So, instead of buying a new one for many thousands, I've been considering starting a restoration project. PX150's from the 80's pop up on Craigslist now and then for fairly cheap. But between student loans and gasoline bills, I think I'm going to have to look in another section on Craigslist first: for a second job.

Runs Good

So as it happens I read a fair amount of classified ads people post for their cars on the internet.
Clearly, the vast majority of people have no grasp of the basic concepts of marketing.

Should I clean my car before I take pictures of it for Craigslist? Nah, too much work.

Neither do they grasp the nuances of grammar.

"95 Nissan 240SX, automatic, new tires, runs good."

Runs "well" damnit, its an adverb.

My favorite irritating bit of ignorance is when the poster tells me how much money they've
"invested" in the car. You invest in companies, in real estate, in your education. The money you've used to put candy paint on your 86 Ford Ranger, well you "spent" that buddy, and its gone.

Mmmm....television

Bravo has a new show where the winner becomes "the next great artist".

Guess what morons: High art isn't the result of reality television.

The sort of people who think they can jump start their career as an artist through a cheesy reality show have got to be so far up their own asses that I'm surprised they haven't suffocated.

In other news, there's a show called Peep Show on BBC America. It makes me laugh, and its scripted. It runs against this stupid "Work of Art" show, and I suggest watching it instead.

Irregularity

This post does not cover the type of irregularity you would treat with a fiber supplement and a glass of prune juice.
This covers the fact that sometimes months go by between posts, and sometimes I trail off on ambitious projects, for example: reviewing used cars, ending human stupidity (or at least pointing lots of fingers concerning its spread).

You would think I would explain this by saying I'm extremely busy.
But am I? Sitting on the family room floor with my laptop, halfheartedly listening to another rerun of The Office yammer on on TBS, I hardly think so.

But as a young professional, I'm headed to bed soon for the morning commute. At 9:30PM, most nights, there is nothing in me that wants to elucidate the various advantages and disadvantages of late model imports.

There is a simple pleasure in the brief stretches of my drive where traffic clears, and the little Impreza gets to stretch its 2.2 litre legs.
Granted, the '97 Subaru Impreza L has no pep to speak of. It trundles on with a measured step, casually leaking ever so little oil when I let it sit.
The left side is scarred with battle wounds from before I knew it, broad brushstrokes of deep rust red over the fading green paint.
Its a workhorse, a faithful servant. Well, once i pried the dead starter from the engine block and replaced it with a rebuilt one from autozone it renewed its vow of stability.

And lo, though its turbocharged sister sits patiently in the garage for a sunny weekend, this car soldiers on through rain, hail, snow, fog and darkness (Ah yes, in the recent hail storm, when everyone was trying to shelter their Mercedes under a tree along Georgetown Pike, it strode on unaffected), though its upholstery is cracking and faded, and it smells vaguely of burning oil, I appreciate this car.

Its a beater car. And everyone should have one.

The Honda CBR 600 RR Repsol

It only makes sense that we want something more when we can't have it.

I am not allowed to have a motorcycle.

.: I have developed an unnatural yearning for a sport bike.
In reality, it is entirely impractical. For one, there's the exorbitant insurance rate. There's the fact I couldn't use it in the wet, or the cold. There's the fact I'd be forced to go every where dressed like a power ranger. (The last one is a double edged sword: carrying your helmet everywhere = attention magnet.)

When it comes to motorcycles, there's Harleys, there's Triumphs, there's Indians. There's old hondas and suzukis. There's ugly sportbikes from the early 90s.

Then there's this. The CBR 600 RR RepSol.And I want it.

Why?
Well, House had one. And Hugh Laurie is a badass actor. His show, while sometimes tiresome, is essentially a badass playing a badass. For those keeping score at home, that's badass squared.

Are there better bikes? Yes. The Augusta F4 and the Ducati 749, for example.
But the CBR just kicks you in the teeth with it. And if you're a biker, you're probably used to getting kicked in the teeth. For us soft people in vehicles with airbags and seat belts, its a bit of a shock.

Unfortunately, I doubt I'll ever have one. Its too likely some jackass in an SUV would run me over while trying to pair their cell phone to their vehicles blue tooth system. And, yes, I am an organ donor; but I would rather like to keep them for a bit longer.

Screw you, iTunes

Shall I start with small talk about the weather?
We've had a ton of snow, and today there is a blizzard warning and another foot or so expected. This is exciting because not only are there no mountains to ski down, but we have been having power outages, cable outages and combinations of the two. At least we have not yet suffered an alcohol outage.
I powered on my computer with the intention of listening to music, but iTunes had another plan. Once, it had copied my entire music library again, so that I had thousands of duplicate songs. Without any method to auto-select and delete, I was left with thousands of mouse clicks in order to correct the error. Mr. Jobs will be receiving a bill for the treatment of the resultant carpal tunnel problems.
This time though, iTunes has failed to locate any of my songs. Yes, it has mysteriously forgotten the little electronic pathway that lets it find each file. On its own volition.
So now I'm faced with "locating" each song individually.
Perhaps iTunes was feeling neglected, and wanted me to spend some quality time with it. Or, more likely, iTunes was carelessly designed by people who would rather see me spend 99 cents to purchase songs through their system than to actually ever get to listen to any music.
In closing, iTunes: Screw you.

Worst Blog Ever

So in the time since my last post, I've finished college. I've moved out of the Bronx, and I've found a job. Not being in the Bronx is well, quite nice. I can walk around my neighborhood without the slightest fear of being stabbed. However, I have the new fear of being hit by a car, as there are no sidewalks and no streetlights.
Ah, suburbia, the natural habitat of the automobile. Out here the cars aren't battered up against each other in tiny parking spaces, but most of them even get their own room. So through these windy virginia roads, one should expect nothing but the finest driving experience yes? Anyone who knows northern virginia knows the answer.
The roads here are jammed, mostly with morons. The sort of people who ride in the faster lane until they "suddenly realize" they have to make the exit, and bring both lanes of traffic to a halt trying to force their way into the crowded turn lane. Then, there's the people who believe the four rings or three pointed star on the front of their car allows them to cut off anyone they choose, and even cross grassy medians to make illegal U-turns to save them the precious minutes of waiting in traffic. There's the people who, when you are forced to stop on a steep hill, drive their cars up to millimeters away from your rear bumper, forcing you to use the handbrake to start.

Driving a thirty four mile commute where fifth gear is used twice is infuriating, and paying for high octane gas wasted in stop and go traffic is irrational. So, I did some math. Turns out that the difference in gas milage combined with the price difference from premium to regular, the savings covers the added insurance of a beater.
The cost of a beater though, isn't covered by fuel savings. Whether or not it makes fiscal sense comes down to the value of saving my WRX, or having two pedals instead of three during rush hour traffic.

Thus, I think I've found a new project: finding a super cheap, reliable car.
The fun part, for anyone else, is that I get to consider some different cars.
Stay tuned for the rants and raves. First up: some hondas.